As our regular readers know, Stop Breathing Now!!! is no fan of the green movement. Their ideas, while a step in the right direction, stop far short of meaningful change. We have continually stressed that reducing carbon output has much less meaningful change than stopping it all together. Yet our most noble efforts to convince people to Go Blue! have fallen far short of the levels we have hoped for. That is why I, Al Bore, am now appealing to President Barack Obama and the Green Movement to initiate some meaningful change that will help people who are unwilling to Stop Breathing Now!!! to reduce their carbon footprint drastically.

The push to get people to drive smaller cars has fallen short for one simple reason. It doesn't matter how fuel efficient you make a car, this weekly savings isn't going to be enough to convince some people to drive them. These people are concerned with safety. They are following Newton's Laws of Physics, and no amount of money is going to convince them otherwise. They are aware of Newton's Law of Motion which dictates that when rigid objects of different weights collide, the velocity change of the lighter object will always exceed that of the heavier object, in proportion to their relative weights. 

A bird in Maine has decided not to sit by idly and take all of this global warming man is throwing his way. He is now fighting back, attacking cross country skiers. Realizing his winters are being shortened and hence, his opportunity to attack these outdoor enthusiasts are also diminishing, the Great Horned Owl has kicked his efforts into high gear.